Facing My Reflection - Part 2

My journey to self-recovery from body image anxiety was anything but straightforward. After my freshman year, I desperately tried to transform my appearance by following Instagram influencers. I spent a fortune on clothes and cosmetics, hoping to mimic their seemingly flawless looks. But without fundamentally changing my body or mindset, I felt awkward in photos and wasted countless hours editing them, still unable to face the real me.

Encouraged by a close friend, I decided to lose weight, but my approach was frantic and desperate. I tried every trendy but impractical method and each attempt was fueled by a sense of urgency to see immediate results. The juice cleanse left me feeling weak and irritable, barely able to concentrate on my classes. Carb cycling was confusing and hard to stick to, with its alternating days of high and low carb intake. Intermittent fasting (specifically the 16:8 method) made me obsess over the clock, counting down the minutes until I could finally eat. And dragging myself out of bed for fasted cardio left me exhausted before the day even started.

Despite all my efforts, the results were minimal and short-lived. I hit plateaus quickly, and the lack of progress only intensified my frustration. I felt like I was failing, not just at losing weight, but at everything. It was exhausting and demoralizing. Each failed attempt made me feel more inadequate, more convinced that I could never measure up.

Then, I met a friend who was into fitness and introduced me to strength training. She taught me how to create a healthy, sustainable plan for fat loss and muscle toning. Learning to deadlift and squat, I noticed my body changing, but more importantly, my mindset was shifting. 

At the gym, I focused on my progress and form, and I realized everyone else was too busy with their own workouts to judge me. My life wasn’t under constant scrutiny; I could relax and just be myself. I stopped obsessing over being thin and beautiful and started caring about being strong and healthy. Confidence and a positive mindset became my new goals. I no longer avoided eye contact or social interactions, and my life slowly returned to a more balanced and fulfilling path.

Gradually, I learned to see my body and appearance in a more rational light. I started working on my social skills again, grateful that I hadn’t wasted too much time or done irreversible harm to my body. 

Still, I wonder if there are more direct or effective ways to cope with appearance anxiety...