Facing My Reflection
When I first stepped onto my college campus, my body image anxiety hit an all-time high. In high school, I never really paid much attention to managing my appearance. My friends and I spent most of our time buried in books, preparing for college applications, and rarely browsing social media. But college was a whole different ball game. Surrounded by beautiful classmates and constantly scrolling through Instagram filled with stunning influencers, I felt a gnawing sense of insecurity.
The pressure of classes added to my stress. Sometimes, I’d find myself staring into the mirror, consumed by negative thoughts. Did those two gorgeous girls on the way to class laugh at me because my oversized tank top made me look like a shapeless cylinder? Would anyone ever want to get to know the real me – my thoughts, interests, and soul – when my appearance was so unremarkable? I started to believe that my looks were holding me back, that I had to try 10x harder than an attractive person just to be noticed or liked. If you're unattractive and shy, people might assume you're boring or creepy, whereas an attractive person could do the same and be seen totally differently.
This toxic mindset seeped into every part of my life. My motivation to study plummeted, and I began to avoid social situations. I skipped parties and gatherings, not because I had other plans, but because I feared exposing my insecurities and awkwardness. It became a vicious cycle – the more I avoided, the worse I felt about myself, and the worse I felt, the more I avoided.
The shame and anxiety were paralyzing, especially when I had to speak up in class or participate in group activities. I dreaded being noticed, scared of the judgment I imagined was inevitable. This went on for what felt like forever, a constant battle between wanting to change and feeling too afraid to start.
Things came to a head as I approached my junior year and began searching for my first internship. My lack of confidence and social skills became glaringly apparent. I realized how many opportunities I had missed, all because of my appearance anxiety. I knew I had to make a change, but the path to self-acceptance and confidence was anything but easy.
And so began my journey towards self-recovery...
